Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
