If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
