I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
