I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
