So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
