if you like me you must not know who I am
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
