another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
