is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
