im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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