I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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