i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
