woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
