ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
cat food counts as protein by the way
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
