you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
