bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
