My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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