I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
