it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize