What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
