I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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