I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
