i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize