My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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