so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
