she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
