You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
