Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my moral compass just broke
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize