when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
