As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
