party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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