I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
