Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
