the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
