you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were destined to go to rehab together
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
