..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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