If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
