either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
