I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
