six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize