By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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