I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There r osticjed everywhere
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
