I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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