nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
