Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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