I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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