you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
