Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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