I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
