It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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