There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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