I must be too annoying 4 u.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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