I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
