Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
