I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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