I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize