So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
