If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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