He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
