I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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