Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
