I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
