Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
