We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Randomize
