She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
