I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
