You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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