This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
