Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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