i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
