Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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