dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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