Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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