had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
