Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
