Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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