She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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