Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
