dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize