You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
