Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
