I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
