I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
