I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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