you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
