Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
