my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
