Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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