He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
