I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
