I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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