covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
