dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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