Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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