I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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