kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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