And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
