I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
