look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
