OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
