Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
