never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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