Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
