i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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