I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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