Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
